Emotional
Dowry taunts. Being compared to other women in the family. Told what to wear. Humiliated in front of the children, or in front of relatives. Constant criticism, yelling, the silent treatment. Lok ki kehnge used as a leash.
For Punjabi & South Asian women
There’s no word for it in Punjabi.
There’s no word for it in Punjabi.
There’s still a way through.
Punjabi and Hindi don’t have their own word for divorce — the closest we borrow is talaq. When your mother tongue won’t name a thing, the silence around it gets very loud. This page is for the woman living inside that silence: born here or married over from India, in a home that has stopped being safe.
You are not the first. You are not a failure. And you do not have to figure this out alone.
In danger right now? Call 911. In BC, VictimLink BC answers 24/7 in Punjabi, Hindi and 240+ languages: 1-800-563-0808.
~1 in 3
married women in India report violence from a spouse (NFHS-5, 2021)
All 5 forms
of abuse — emotional, economic, social, sexual, physical — were present in a 2024 study of 220 women across Punjab
Emotional first
the most-reported form was emotional, then economic, then social control — the bruises you can’t photograph
Abuse isn’t only a raised hand
When researchers interviewed 220 women across the Majha, Malwa and Doaba regions of Punjab in 2024, every kind of abuse showed up — and the one women named most often wasn’t physical. It was emotional. If what’s happening in your home is on this list, it counts. It has a name.
Economic
Your salary handed over and never seen again. No allowance, no account of your own. Not allowed to work. Cards used without asking. Debt quietly built in your name. Money from your parents taken “for the house.”
Social
Not allowed out without permission. Cut off from your peke — your own parents and family. Phone and WhatsApp monitored. Friends criticised until they fall away. Isolation dressed up as care.
Sexual
Coerced or forced intimacy. No say in protection or pregnancy. A husband who keeps a relationship outside the marriage and calls it your failing. The hardest to say out loud — and still abuse.
Physical
Pushing, slapping, hitting — often blamed on stress, alcohol, or “you provoked it.” A meal not cooked right, coming home late, waking late, used as the reason. The reason was never you.
If you’re reading this list nodding, that recognition is information, not weakness. You’re allowed to take it seriously even if no one has ever hit you.
Safety planning →“Shame was getting me to shut up and put up.” — a feeling many South Asian women describe; anger is the handbrake on shame
Whose shame is it, really?
So many of us were raised to be the “good girl” — that being obedient, modest and endlessly of service would be rewarded, and that our own needs simply weren’t important. A South Asian marriage is treated as a union of two families, not two people, and the success of it is laid almost entirely on the bride. So when it breaks, the blame lands on her too.
That is where the shame comes from. But step back and look at it honestly: this shame was built by generations and handed to you. It was never actually yours. Leaving a marriage that is hurting you is not a sin, not a failure, and not a betrayal of your family — even when the aunties whisper, even when your own heart tightens with guilt out of pure habit.
- You can love your culture and still refuse the parts that ask you to disappear.
- Staying silent protected the family’s reputation. It did not protect you.
- Your worth was never tied to round chapatis, a quiet voice, or a husband’s mood.
- Walking away from abuse is chardi kala — it takes more strength than staying.
If you came to Canada after your wedding
For a sponsored wife or a newer immigrant, the control can wear a different face — and abusers know exactly how isolating a new country can be.
“I’ll have you deported”
Threats about your status, your PR card, or sending you back are a control tactic — not the law. Leaving an abusive sponsor does not automatically cancel permanent residence you already hold.
Held documents
Passport, PR card, health card and ID kept from you so you can’t move, work, or seek help. You have a right to your own documents; a settlement worker can help you replace them safely.
The joint household
In-laws as enforcers, not bystanders — a jetthani who polices you, a father-in-law who decides what you may touch, dowry expectations that never end, pressure for a son.
NRI abandonment
A husband who marries here or in Punjab, then leaves a wife stranded — back in India, or alone in Canada without status or support. This is a recognised pattern, and there are people who handle exactly these cases.
Language as a cage
Being kept from learning English, from a phone, from a bank, so that every door out runs through him. Help exists in Punjabi and Hindi — you do not need English to reach it.
Your status, your safety
If your status is still in process, get advice early — Canada has humanitarian and family-violence provisions for people leaving abuse. A confidential immigration lawyer or settlement agency can explain your real options.
This page is information and support, not legal advice. For your own situation, speak with a settlement worker or an immigration / family lawyer — find one who speaks your language.
Your faith is not asking you to suffer
Sikhi
An Anand Karaj joins two souls to walk the Guru’s path together — toward Anand, toward peace. A partner who pulls you away from that, who harms you behind closed doors while serving langar in public, is not honouring the lavan. Many Gurdwaras, granthis and Panj Pyaare today counsel and support women through separation when a marriage has become unsafe. Seva, sangat and chardi kala were never meant to keep you in harm.
Hindu & other traditions
Marriage is held as a sacred sanskar — and your dignity and life are sacred too. Civil law (the Hindu Marriage Act in India; the Family Law Act here in BC) provides real, equitable grounds for separation, support and a fresh start. Devotion has never required you to accept abuse as your fate.
Help that speaks your language
Crisis & safety lines
- Emergency: 911
- VictimLink BC — 24/7, Punjabi / Hindi / 240+ languages, call or text 1-800-563-0808
- Kids Help Phone (for daughters & teens) 1-800-668-6868
- In India: Women Helpline 181 · National Commission for Women
In the Fraser Valley & BC
Across Surrey, Abbotsford and the Fraser Valley, settlement and women’s organisations — among them DIVERSEcity and PICS — offer counselling, legal navigation, and transition housing in Punjabi and Hindi. Transition houses are free and confidential, and many have South Asian staff.
Browse Punjabi/Hindi counsellors →On DivorceMaybe
Breaking the shell of silence
Every woman who speaks her truth makes it a little easier for the next Kaur, the next daughter, to find the door. You don’t owe anyone your suffering to keep the peace. Whatever stage you’re at — still deciding, quietly planning, or already rebuilding — there is a calmer way through, and people here who understand the whole of it.
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